Sorry to have been so quiet for so long, being on tour navigating myself across the country and the variables thrown at me had me filled with ample feels but got me with absolute writers block. Now I find myself with a few festive weeks off, no idea what day it is, horizontal and reminiscing… Sharing’s caring.
In classic December fashion I’ve probably had 1 too many festive brunches, played multiple elf dodgems on the train clutching overflowing Xmas shopping, am unsure of the date and I have a cold. Sound familiar? I’ve been told by a reliable source (my social media apps) that we’re nearing the end of December 2019. It’s impossible to avoid it.
Another year lived. I think a bit of reflection is good for the soul. Looking back on what we’ve overcome, things we’ve learnt, what we’ve enjoyed. Parts lost and parts gained in our lives. Sometimes however I find there is a pressure to reflect in a certain way. 1000 things to be thankful for. Instagram tells us to be thankful for our 2019 stars and be grateful for the daily mantra posts that have got us through it. Maybe a fad diet helped you get into your summer gala glad rags or maybe Ariana Grande’s album had you soaring through that break up. For me there’s someone we all need to say thank you to, I cringed at first too but hear me out.
If you’ve read some of my previous ramblings you’ll know I’m a big fan of being thankful. Especially for the wonderful people in our lives that I think make us who we are. Your raft if you will. All built up around you, keeping you as dry as possible and hopefully travelling with you to our next stage of life. And of course for the ‘things’ that helped us along. Your oars, giving you direction and power. The new complete nutrition meal replacement shake powder, the book that taught us to not give a fuck. Thanks for that Mr Manson.
But in actual fact the only thing that got you here was you. Whatever you did, everything you did was a choice you made. You steered the vessel through the fjord we call 2019. We have so many influences these days. Facebook now magically knows I need a winged eyeliner for dummies kit and Amazon prime emails me to tell me my favourite shoe laces are back in stock. Our main concern of late was worrying about the state of our country, tbc. I even get daily emails from the universe. But every single one of those things and views is my own. I made that happen, I had that thought and made that choice. Technology is clever but not that clever.
I and a lot of my loved ones have a constant worry of being selfish. But usually being selfish is the healthiest, strongest thing you can do for yourself and for others. As Ru Paul finely puts it ‘If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else!’ At the start of the year I’d have given my 7th left eyelash to my next door neighbour if it’d help. I lived in Germany FYI. And to be fair I probably still would, but I’d get myself in check first. I thought that the more I gave the more I’d get. Karma. But don’t burn your candle at both ends and leave yourself with nothing left to give to yourself. I’ve found the more in tune I am with myself as the year has gone, love feels completely different. It’s not something to be rewarded for the good I’ve done. It’s simply because people might just love me for me. Like I love them.
Our bodies and souls need and want different things, it changes daily. Listen. At the start of each day the person you wake up to first is you. Remember to say goodnight too.
Whether it be a pat on the back, a glass of bubbles or no alarm. Reward yourself. *Because let’s face it, I hope the next two weeks will be a blur of biodegradable wrapping paper, naps and minced pies.* You made it. 2019. YOU did it.